So… it’s been almost 6 months since beginning my weight loss journey… SIX MONTHS! I weigh in next week (which is technically a week shy of the six month mark) and I waffle (mmmmm syrup, how I miss thee!) between being proud of myself to thinking, “is this really all I have to show for everything I’ve done?”. I sometimes have unrealistic expectations and sometimes I look in the mirror and only see how much farther I have to go. Then there’s the knowledge that other people have lost more weight in shorter amounts of time that discourages me. BUT then I remember that I’m not other people. It’s about the journey - not just the destination. So, I’m trying to look at some of the accomplishments of my journey so far. Feel free to read along if you’re so inclined.
I’ve lost at least 33 pounds. I say at least because it’s been several weeks since my last “official” weigh in and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost more than that. I’m hoping I’ve hit my 40 pound loss mark by next week. How sweet would it be to be able to see 170 and finally weigh less than my husband for the first time ever? Better than chocolate sweet people, better than chocolate sweet!
Speaking of my husband… he found my hip bone when cuddling before bed and thought it was the remote. That was a huge high for me. Even though it was a bit bittersweet that my husband has never before felt my hipbone (I mean really, I was THAT big?) it was completely wonderful that he kept pushing on it – amazed by it’s being there. Kind of like other bones I have found on myself – like wrist bones and cheekbones and jaw bones and tail bones (ouch on the tail bone find though!).
Also new is the fact that there are noticeable differences in pictures from before. John told me last night when we were looking at some pictures “You know, when this was taken, I just saw you standing in front of me. But when I see this picture now I don’t see you anymore. You don’t look like this at all!” He looks at me, looks at a picture, shakes his head and looks back at me with this great big beaming look of pride. I cannot express how much that helps. Especially when sometimes I look at them and am just disgusted by how big I had gotten and how I hadn’t seen how big I was or how unhappy I was even when I smiled. Even looking at my sweaty photos I can see a difference, not just in my face but in my happiness. The first picture clearly says “Why am I doing this – I am miserable” and the last one is clearly pleased about being a hot sweaty mess.
In fact, I don’t mind being a hot sweaty mess – which is definitely something new. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I have lost my embarrassment chip somewhere along the way. For example: Squats, squat jumps, squat lifts, walking lunges, jumping rope, pull ups, sit ups, reverse sit ups, sit ups done on balance balls, sit ups done with balance balls, every single machine that has a rope or pulley, the elliptical, the treadmill, the stair master, the spin bike and various other things that cause me to grunt and sweat like a pig with exertion in front of the entire gym… have ceased to embarrass me. Don’t get me wrong I still know that I look like an awkward hot mess while doing these things – I know this because of the lovely wall o’ mirrors that encircle the gym that let me see myself from every angle and because I’m not blind to the truth. The point is that I don’t care how I look while doing it – (aside from caring that my form is correct so I don’t injure myself) I do it without first stopping to think what the skinny girl or trainer Matt is thinking as they watch me jiggle away. I’m like Nike now, I just do it!
Another positive takeaway - I’m pretty sure I’m healthier now than I was before – but that’s something I will have to report back on later since next week I’m having my first physical since starting this whole thing. Which brings me to another first – I’m excited to get a physical because I know the doctor probably won’t yell at me for being fat. Granted, I’m still technically fat – but I’m closer to 19% less fat. Seriously, I’ve lost 19% of what I started at! I’m almost halfway to my goal of 40%.
And going through and writing this helps. It reminds me that it’s a journey and that I have made forward progress on it. Yes, I still have a looooong way to go, but I know that I can get there. I have a pretty awesome support system to make sure that if I stumble, I have hands to help me get back up. Plus, since I’m a little lighter, it’s probably easier for them to help me back up now anyway. ;)
