2 Chronicles 15:7 (NASB) says: "But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work."
Sometimes along my journey I want to give up. Okay, often I want to give up - usually daily - right around the time I'm supposed to get out of bed and go to the gym I want to throw in the proverbial towel and call it a day because (as I used to say when I was very young) it's too hard and I'm too little!
But I get up (mainly because I cannot throw money away) and I keep going. That doesn't mean it isn't a struggle or that it isn't a fight because it is. When doubt creeps in the door I tend to fall into my typical cycle. That would be the one where I feel like nothing will ever change and think to myself "well then, why bother!" I get depressed and I pray and often my prayer or it's answer become a silly little blog post where selfishly I pour out words and sometimes gain some perspective in the process.
But 2 Chronicles 15:7 tells me that for my work there is a reward... and with this weight loss the only reward I have ever expected was to lose weight and have the physical body that God intended for me to have. I admit I feel great when people I love give me compliments or say that I'm motivational, but again, they're people I love - they have to be supportive - so you take it with a grain of salt, right? (although you probably shouldn't because sodium is really bad!)
In any case, I never really expected more reward than what I've already received, but today I was rewarded in my heart by two complete strangers:
Hi Renee,
AWESOME! When the scales aren't moving and I've been good, you'll be my motivation. I've printed your letters for my desk and my co-workers are really enjoying them. You GO GIRL!!!
Renee,
I've been flipping through posts this morning and was totally enthralled when I found your 'Dear John' letters to the last 50. You go, girl.I looked for your other posts and was touched by your humor, warmth and encouragement.I just wanted to say Thank You for making my day.
Jeri
The reward had very little to do with the work I've done physically and was mostly about my posting... which of course has everything to do with God. I am His child and part of what He knit in my mother's womb was a funny, positive, woman who has always hidden behind sarcasm and extra pounds of fat. (Due to the behavior of your dog letters, anyone?)
But, as I have been on my weight loss journey I have also been on a spiritual one. My reward today was the realization that I have shed more than pounds. He is whittling me into the woman He intends me to be, not the one I have tried to make of myself, the one I have tried to hide behind. To know that His design for me is beginning to show and has benefited a complete stranger is an unexpected blessing I was not prepared for - and I am Completely Thankful. (And a little teary, not gonna lie).
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saying Goodbye!
Dear 210’s…
I honestly don’t remember meeting you. Perhaps the ice cream coma I was in blurred our get-together from my mind. Whatever the case may be, I have to admit that I was a little horrified finding you here without my prior knowledge. I mean, I really thought waking up next to someone you don’t recognize only happened to people who completely lost control… In any case, I’m really very glad that you have decided to leave. I’d really appreciate it if you decided not to return.
Sincerely,
Renee
Dear 200’s…
I know we didn’t talk that much – you were only here for about a month before I realized I’d started spending all my time with the 190’s. I’d like to say I’m sorry that we didn’t get to spend more time together, but I have a feeling we’d both know it was a lie. After all, I’m pretty sure I’d spent at least a year with you before the 210’s made that little visit that freaked me out. I really do wish you the best with whoever you move on with. I just know that it won’t be me.
All the best!
Renee
Dear 190’s…
I feel that I need to apologize to you. I know I really made you think I wanted to be with you and I did! When we first met I was so excited to tell people about you… I mean we were together and I was beyond thrilled! By our first month anniversary our relationship had started to lose it’s appeal. I found myself wondering how long we would need to be together. I felt smothered by how you just always wanted to be with me. We had some good times, but I think we were meant to just be friends. I hope that you find someone better suited to you… perhaps a man? Only a suggestion!
Affectionately,
Renee
Dear 180’s…
We began our flirtation in June. Something about you just made me smile. Perhaps it was the way I felt with you while I was wearing that denim dress. I don’t know. But I do know that during our flirtation, I became attracted to the 170’s and I just didn’t know how to tell you. I know that we weren’t committed to each other, still, I felt ashamed. But the heart wants what the heart wants. And my heart wanted better blood flow that could only be found with the 170’s. I’m hopeful that you will understand my desire to end things before anyone gets hurt. You really are great, and I know that there’s someone out there that is perfect for you – she’s just not me.
Fondly,
Renee
Dear 170’s…
We’ve been seeing each other since sometime in July, but I really feel like I need to break it off. It’s not that you weren’t fun – you were! I had a great summer with you. The thing is though, I got caught cheating on you and I wanted to tell you before someone else did. I was at the doctors and the 160’s were there and well… the nurse walked in and saw everything – and since the nurse knows you – well, I’ve been feeling guilty for a while now. I’ve always been attracted to the 160’s but that’s no excuse for stringing you along like this. I don’t want to keep living a lie until day I have to formally announce that you and I aren’t together anymore. I’d really just like for us to part as friends but I completely understand if that can’t happen. So, if we never meet again – you take care of yourself.
Best Wishes,
Renee
Dear 160’s…
I’ve been looking back on letters from the last 6 months and I’ve realized something. While I like you, and I’m happy to spend time with you and get to know you… I’m really not in the position to be in a long term relationship with you or anyone else right now. I’m just trying to figure out what I want. Right now you feel great, but I admit, I’ve been imagining what it might be like to be with the 150’s or 140’s… Sometimes, I catch myself day dreaming about the 130’s and once even with the 120’s… I don’t want to hurt you. I hope we can have fun for as long as it lasts – keep things casual. Still, I need you to know that when we part that will be the end of our relationship. Although, I am happy to introduce you to a couple of tall gals I know that have been daydreaming about you!
TTYL!
Renee
I honestly don’t remember meeting you. Perhaps the ice cream coma I was in blurred our get-together from my mind. Whatever the case may be, I have to admit that I was a little horrified finding you here without my prior knowledge. I mean, I really thought waking up next to someone you don’t recognize only happened to people who completely lost control… In any case, I’m really very glad that you have decided to leave. I’d really appreciate it if you decided not to return.
Sincerely,
Renee
Dear 200’s…
I know we didn’t talk that much – you were only here for about a month before I realized I’d started spending all my time with the 190’s. I’d like to say I’m sorry that we didn’t get to spend more time together, but I have a feeling we’d both know it was a lie. After all, I’m pretty sure I’d spent at least a year with you before the 210’s made that little visit that freaked me out. I really do wish you the best with whoever you move on with. I just know that it won’t be me.
All the best!
Renee
Dear 190’s…
I feel that I need to apologize to you. I know I really made you think I wanted to be with you and I did! When we first met I was so excited to tell people about you… I mean we were together and I was beyond thrilled! By our first month anniversary our relationship had started to lose it’s appeal. I found myself wondering how long we would need to be together. I felt smothered by how you just always wanted to be with me. We had some good times, but I think we were meant to just be friends. I hope that you find someone better suited to you… perhaps a man? Only a suggestion!
Affectionately,
Renee
Dear 180’s…
We began our flirtation in June. Something about you just made me smile. Perhaps it was the way I felt with you while I was wearing that denim dress. I don’t know. But I do know that during our flirtation, I became attracted to the 170’s and I just didn’t know how to tell you. I know that we weren’t committed to each other, still, I felt ashamed. But the heart wants what the heart wants. And my heart wanted better blood flow that could only be found with the 170’s. I’m hopeful that you will understand my desire to end things before anyone gets hurt. You really are great, and I know that there’s someone out there that is perfect for you – she’s just not me.
Fondly,
Renee
Dear 170’s…
We’ve been seeing each other since sometime in July, but I really feel like I need to break it off. It’s not that you weren’t fun – you were! I had a great summer with you. The thing is though, I got caught cheating on you and I wanted to tell you before someone else did. I was at the doctors and the 160’s were there and well… the nurse walked in and saw everything – and since the nurse knows you – well, I’ve been feeling guilty for a while now. I’ve always been attracted to the 160’s but that’s no excuse for stringing you along like this. I don’t want to keep living a lie until day I have to formally announce that you and I aren’t together anymore. I’d really just like for us to part as friends but I completely understand if that can’t happen. So, if we never meet again – you take care of yourself.
Best Wishes,
Renee
Dear 160’s…
I’ve been looking back on letters from the last 6 months and I’ve realized something. While I like you, and I’m happy to spend time with you and get to know you… I’m really not in the position to be in a long term relationship with you or anyone else right now. I’m just trying to figure out what I want. Right now you feel great, but I admit, I’ve been imagining what it might be like to be with the 150’s or 140’s… Sometimes, I catch myself day dreaming about the 130’s and once even with the 120’s… I don’t want to hurt you. I hope we can have fun for as long as it lasts – keep things casual. Still, I need you to know that when we part that will be the end of our relationship. Although, I am happy to introduce you to a couple of tall gals I know that have been daydreaming about you!
TTYL!
Renee
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