I thought of you and where you'd gone... and the World Spins Madly On

So... Today is the anniversary of all that happened on 9/11. The knowledge that it was eight years ago seems almost surreal. I cannot believe that my memories of events are no longer thrown in sharp relief but stand out like bright lights through a mist... the edges of horror softened by time.

I was lucky. I did not lose anyone that I knew on a personal level. I did however lose something very dear to me - my belief that the world was a safe place. I mean, I knew that bad things happen. There are drive by shootings and crazies out there… but those were people I didn’t know in places too far from my backyard for me to feel threatened.

But listening to the news that day as I sat at work – the disbelief – thinking it was some kind of joke… only to realize it was a waking nightmare.

In my nightmare I remember not being able to breathe. I remember people running around trying to get the television in the office to pick up a regular channel so we could watch the news and only getting snow. I remember picking up the phones and getting only busy signals. I remember panic when I realized my half brother was in the air force but since I had no idea where he was stationed I didn’t know if he was okay. I remember going to my boss and telling him I needed to go home, that I couldn’t concentrate on actual work because I couldn’t seem to stop crying.

I remember leaving work and going to my friend’s home because I needed to be somewhere I felt safe. I remember finding out that everyone I knew was okay. I remember holding and being held by Brittany and Amy while we watched news footage of people throwing themselves from buildings. I remember silence and comfort and sadness all wrapped together.

I remember tying ribbons to my car antenna to show support and American pride. I remember volunteering at the red cross to make phone calls for blood donation and the overwhelming responses of people doing their part to help. I remember a unified nation standing together showing that we cannot be brought down like our buildings –we are more than just brick and mortar – we are the human spirit and we will continue to shine.

I will never forget where I was that day and I hope I will always remember to let my spirit shine.