Merry Christmas

So, this Christmas I thought was going to be a great big bust. I mean, secularly speaking - since we are trying to save for a house - gift giving would be on the cheap side. That doesn't mean that I bought people crappy gifts - because I didn't. I put real thought into everything I bought. I gave no gift cards this year at all - everything had a meaning to it or was something I bought specifically for a person because I thought they would enjoy it.

Still, I struggled with what I like to call Giftmas Guilt... That's when people obviously spend more money on you than you did on them. I don't know why I have this need for everything to be equal on both sides... perhaps in a former life I was an accountant. All I know is that this year - I didn't let the Giftmas Guilt grow into a Guiltmonster that made me spend more money than I budgeted. I succeeded in not spending more than I felt comfortable doing and warned myself that others might spend more on me and I would just have to be okay with it.

And then - I get a gift from my brother in law. It's a check for $1,000.00 to help us buy a house. And the thing is - we need the money and even though we never would have asked for the money or planned on getting a gift that beyond the normal scope of gifts - that GUILTMONSTER reared it's ugly head and my first instinct was to feel horrible because we couldn't give him back anything to even come close to equaling his gift.

That's when the word came to me... GIFT. This was a God given gift - Jamie was moved to give us that money as a selfless GIFT - from his heart. I burst into tears and had to excuse myself. I thanked God and I thanked Jamie as well - but still in the back of my mind was the nagging inability to balance the scales of gift giving.

The thing that really helped ease my mind was listening to a sermon from last year at RBC. In it Paul Goodnight was talking about God's gift to us was really the Gift of a Gift. God gave us Jesus (a gift) which gave us the gift of Salvation. When someone gives a really extravagant gift (think a car in the driveway for a 16th birthday) if the person receiving that gift to were to say "Oh, it's too much, let me give you something for it" and tried to give $10.00 which was all they had - not only would it be offensive but it would be assigning a lesser worth to the gift.

If I try to repay Jamie - it cheapens it, not just for me, but for him. That is the beauty of a "real" gift. It's one without strings and from the heart - one that can't be repaid except with Love.