The only problem is that sometimes I am verbose, meaning overly wordy, impaired by wordiness. I don’t usually see my wordsmithiness (a word I just made up) as an impairment. However, I got an email forwarded today about me that said:
Why is Renee Bundy writing such long emails? The client said that he spoke with AGS several times and set a date for this Friday 8-12pm. We really need to keep emails clear & productive or we will have no time to sell and thus nothing to deliver ;) Please share?
I’m not going to go into my reasons for why her 2nd sentence is not a complete truth or even justify why it is I send long emails because I could probably go on far longer than I need to. Instead I’m going to focus on the fact that their asking me to write less makes me feel attacked somehow.
Of course, when I feel that way my first instinct is to say: “Oh yeah, that’s what you want… I’ll give you EXACTLY what you’ve asked for – no problem!” Can you hear that sound? It’s me passive-aggressively going to war. See, I’m a ‘letter of the law’ kind of gal – to the extent of viciousness. When I get hit, I hit back. When someone else goes in thinking they’ve won I set out to show them that they haven’t won anything. You want short emails? Well, you can’t get much shorter than one word, right? If I just forward emails that say “Advise.” that should meet their requirements and prove my point. Clearly after some time to think about it they will prefer my way once they realize their way causes them to do more work. War won.
Come on, seriously? That’s what I want to do? I want to waste my time and hold onto that anger and self righteousness? I want to prove a point so badly that I’m willing to become the most ridiculous person on the planet? Why does it matter that everyone agree my way is better? Why do I need them to regret asking me to change my ways to please them? Why do I care so much to begin with? Why do I let this take up my time, effecting my day and robbing me of my peace? What do I need to learn from this, Lord? What do you want to teach me today?
And He says to me (in James 1:19-21 and 3:17-18):This you know, my beloved (brethren). But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted which is able to save your souls.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
I know I shouldn’t get angry and that anger doesn’t achieve God’s righteousness… I know that righteousness is something that those who make peace plant and harvest… but I have a right to be angry. I’m just doing my job. There’s nothing wrong with doing my job well and wanting others to do theirs well. There’s nothing wrong with making them see that they’re wronging me Father.
And He answers me (in Isaiah 51:6-7):
Lift up your eyes to the sky,
Then look to the earth beneath;
For the sky will vanish like smoke,
And the earth will wear out like a garment
And its inhabitants will die in like manner;
But My salvation will be forever
And My righteousness will not wane.
Listen to Me, you who know righteousness,
A people in whose heart is My law:
Do not fear the reproach of man,
Nor be dismayed at their reviling.
How can I help but be dismayed when they revile (assail with contemptuous language, address or speak of abusively) me. You tell me not to be dismayed (broken down in courage, alarmed or perturbed, disquieted greatly in mind or agitated) but how can I not react that way when they’re clearly wrong in how they are treating me?
And He answers me (in Romans 3:9-11):
What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; as it is written, There is none righteous, not even one!
Yes, we’re all sinners. But I’m not saying I’m better than they are. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with doing exactly as they ask and obeying the “letter of the law” since that’s what they want.
And He responded with (Romans 7:5-6):
For while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the Law, were at work in the members of our body to bear fruit for death. But now we have been released from the Law, having died to that by which we were bound, so that we serve in newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter.
I know that I’m not bound by “the law” Father. I’m not talking about being free from Your laws. I know that salvation freed me from that… I’m just… I can’t help being agitated and upset by them when they’ve wronged me, Lord. I just want to show them – I want them to regret what they’ve done – I want to pay them back just a little by giving them what they think they want.
And His response (Romans 12:18-19, 21):
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God for it is written “vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
But… it’s hard to just let it go when I’ve been provoked.
And He answers me (in Deuteronomy 9:6-7):
Know, then it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stubborn people. Remember, do not forget how you provoked the LORD your God to wrath in the wilderness; from the day that you left the land of Egypt until you arrived at this place, you have been rebellious against the LORD.
Oh, LORD. Yes. I have been rebellious against You. You forgive me that and more even though You have every right to hold Your wrath around You – keeping Your very presence from me. I’m so thankful that I can come to You, even in my sin, and learn from You. I’m thankful for Your unending patience with me. I’m thankful for the gift of Your Son that allows me to experience a full relationship with You.
Father, Forgive me for not respecting and appreciating that great gift.
I am stubborn Father. I am stubborn and angry and vengeful and I have no right to be. I have no justification on my own outside of Christ. I’m sorry for trying to justify my sin to you. I’m sorry for not just seeing and accepting Your words and putting them into practice in my life. I am sorry for blaming others instead of looking at my own failings. I’d rather have You look at their mistakes instead of pointing out my own. I know that you shine Your light on me to throw into stark contrast those things that are not Christ-like about me – those shadows that my sin likes to hide in.
I pray that you will continue to shine Your light on me, Father, exposing my sins to me. Even though part of the reason I hate to see them is because I secretly love them. Please help me to love nothing more than I love You. Please help me to forgive as I have been forgiven and love as I am loved. Please help me to live a life made up of more than just mere words - help me Father, to live out Your Words.
I ask these things in the precious name of your Son. Amen.
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