Due to the behavior of your dog.

My mom used to work for the Town of Herndon. She was sort of the head girl in charge of the office. One of her duties included dealing with complaints and sending out correspondence to residents who were in violation of the Town Rules. One day a woman called in complaining about her neighbor’s dog. The animal was doing it’s business all over her yard and the owner didn’t even bother to clean it up. She was very irate and went on and on about the situation. My mother’s co-worker drafted a letter to the dog’s owner that said something along the lines of “You need to clean up your dog’s s—t from your neighbor’s yard or we will fine you.” Everybody had a good chuckle but obviously a letter from a Town Official could not go out like that. My mother typed another letter that instead began “Due to the behavior of your dog…”

That phrase has been part of our family lexicon for a very long time. Any time we want to say something mean but can’t we say instead we need to write a “Due to the behavior of your dog” letter. While my mother originated this and is talented at turning a phrase, I was gifted with the ability to take my anger and rage and turn it into the most genial and gracious form of writing. I have been using this very marketable skill in my line of work for years – to the point where superiors have had me write “Due to the behavior of your dog” letters for them. In fact I have what some people call a talent for being able to inform someone in writing that they are thoughtless and rude and have made a grievous error all the while making it sound as if I am paying them a compliment or am simply asking them for clarification in the nicest way imaginable.

In other words – I am passive aggressive. I can sugarcoat hostility like nobody’s business. The problem isn’t just that I am passive aggressive – it’s that I’m good at it. And when I put words to paper I find that I am even more skilled at twisting it so that it is far less recognizable than it would be if I had said it out loud. In fact, sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it – or if I do see it, I apply more nobler motives than I deserve. I can hide behind that all day long, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it.

I do believe I have a talent for writing and that it was a gift given to me by God (as I've learned are all gifts). The problem is it has been pretty well utilized by Satan my entire adult life. So - how do I use my gift for good instead of evil? Suggestions?