Sorry... thought the song title was appropriate for today because I am working hard for the money. I was really busy all day! Now I'm on overtime - waiting for a delivery to be finished so I can forward the phones and clock out.
Once I get home, I get to continue to work hard - although, not for the money... for my hubby! I get to make spaghetti for lunches for the week while John makes dinner for tonight. After that I get to watch my shows and drink a glass of chocolate wine (it makes me so happy) and then go to bed.
I am so thankful I finished up the Bible Study for tomorrow already - because I really do want to just relax for a bit tonight.
So Tuesday - I work and then I go to Bible Study. Then Maggie and I are going back to my house to watch SYTYCD which has it's first Tuesday episode (I believe). Which we will Blog about while eating quesadillas (because that late at night, that's all I can eat)
Then Wednesday, I have to work - then stop at my moms and drop off her birthday present... (which I have to find time to buy between now and then!) What am I going to get my mom? The gift I had thought of I am now thinking maybe I shouldn't get - and so it's going to be all last minute gifting which is not my favorite way to do it, but I'm praying it'll all work out. Then I'm going to get home (hopefully early!) so that John and I can read over the chapter for Shepherd Group on Friday.
Thursday I get to babysit Julia and Joe! I'm very excited about it. I find that hanging out and getting hugs from really great kids reduces my immediate need to have a baby to a more tolerable level of want. Plus it lets me be goofy and silly - and I don't get to act that way nearly often enough.
Friday John and I get to go to Shepherd Group - and I get to take Kristen her BabyCake. I hope it brightens her day a little because I know that she's been having a really rough time lately - and I'd really like it to make her smile. Then afterwards we plan to go to IHOP for dinner - but the animal rights groups are calling for a boycott because of the eggs that they use - so now I feel guilty about that... I'll need to discuss it with John.
Saturday I'm going to sleep in!!!! That is, if we don't have anything going on. And then when I do get up I'm going to do my Bible Study for the next class.
Sunday - John and I are going to church and then when we get done we'll probably go to John's mom's house for a bit. They will watch the game and I will read Me and Mr. Darcy - which I probably shouldn't be reading instead of my book club book, but I really can't help it. Columbine is really depressing and hard to get through.
And then it'll start all over again next week. YAY!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Ready for a brand new start!
So, this was the haircut I got a few months ago. I LOVED it. I thought it was really flattering and it made me feel more confident. Then it started to grow out... I wasn't as wild about that part...
Although, it did look kind of cute in pigtails!
(You can't see the pigtails at this angle, but c'mon... I've got Cat ears!)Still, it got a little more scraggly and I found that trying to style it was making me less happy than I would have liked. So... I thought about spending the money and just at least getting the bangs trimmed... but then I started thinking about things.
I realized I was going to be taking on two Bible Studies, a Shepherd Group, my regular book club, church, and life in general... and I came to the decision that something was going to have to give! And that something, I decided, was going to be my hair.
Now, this is the shortest my hair has EVER been in my adult life... but it's really easy to style in the morning, and I think it looks a lot more put together than it ever did when it was long. Which means, if any opportunities come my way - I'll probably at least look as if I'm ready for them!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
I want something that I want…
I just don’t know what that something is! I’ve reached that point where I feel that my job is just that… a JOB. It’s not supposed to be fulfilling, it’s not supposed to be rewarding, it’s just supposed to pay our bills. Is that jaded or is it realistic?
I’ve had jobs before that were horrible and harmful to my emotional/mental well being. For example, I had a job where they called me the wrong name for 6 months which made me feel sort of worthless as a person. I had another job where I was expected to replace my supervisor that had quit even though I did not have the qualifications to do his job and I felt so overwhelmed that every morning I had to convince myself not to call in sick.
My current job is not horrible in so far as I can get up and go to work every day without wanting to pull out all of my hair… but it isn’t very fulfilling. I don’t feel like I’m a valued employee or that my work makes a difference in anyone’s life. I am a hard worker and I enjoy being challenged and motivated… two areas that are lacking with my current role at my job.
Still, work is work and at least I have a job, right? Or is it right? Should I be dissatisfied with not finding fulfillment in the work I do? Should I look for employment elsewhere? What do I want to be when I grow up?
What are my passions? Well, I put some thought into it and here’s what I came up with:
I love organizing things – from spreadsheets, schedules and “to do” lists to desk drawers and office supply rooms – I find calmness in things that have been well organized. I adore having a “system” that works. I love creating training manuals and SOP documents, because I believe if everyone is on the same page it makes understanding each other and your problems much easier. However, I also enjoy identifying potential issues and working on finding a solution to those issues before they become problems. I take pleasure in helping other people do things they didn’t think were possible. I love setting small and large goals and take pride in meeting them. While I like to be challenged and I like to learn new things I find repetitive tasks to be relaxing and enjoy doing them as well. I like having a can-do attitude. I appreciate a job well done.
So, now that I’ve thought about what I’m passionate about… what does that mean? Where should I go from here? What do I really want?
I’ve had jobs before that were horrible and harmful to my emotional/mental well being. For example, I had a job where they called me the wrong name for 6 months which made me feel sort of worthless as a person. I had another job where I was expected to replace my supervisor that had quit even though I did not have the qualifications to do his job and I felt so overwhelmed that every morning I had to convince myself not to call in sick.
My current job is not horrible in so far as I can get up and go to work every day without wanting to pull out all of my hair… but it isn’t very fulfilling. I don’t feel like I’m a valued employee or that my work makes a difference in anyone’s life. I am a hard worker and I enjoy being challenged and motivated… two areas that are lacking with my current role at my job.
Still, work is work and at least I have a job, right? Or is it right? Should I be dissatisfied with not finding fulfillment in the work I do? Should I look for employment elsewhere? What do I want to be when I grow up?
What are my passions? Well, I put some thought into it and here’s what I came up with:
I love organizing things – from spreadsheets, schedules and “to do” lists to desk drawers and office supply rooms – I find calmness in things that have been well organized. I adore having a “system” that works. I love creating training manuals and SOP documents, because I believe if everyone is on the same page it makes understanding each other and your problems much easier. However, I also enjoy identifying potential issues and working on finding a solution to those issues before they become problems. I take pleasure in helping other people do things they didn’t think were possible. I love setting small and large goals and take pride in meeting them. While I like to be challenged and I like to learn new things I find repetitive tasks to be relaxing and enjoy doing them as well. I like having a can-do attitude. I appreciate a job well done.
So, now that I’ve thought about what I’m passionate about… what does that mean? Where should I go from here? What do I really want?
Friday, September 11, 2009
My Love's The Only Promise That Remains
So, I love this song and thought I would share the lyrics. I used to think it was just a pretty song but after I listened to the words... I realized it wasn't about a romantic love... it seems to me it's about God's Love...
When the ground beneath you starts a-shakin', shakin’
And you forget the place we came from, came from
When you're lost and lookin' for a way home
Your way home to me
I'll come out and find you
When the world around you starts a-movin', movin’
And you should wonder if I still love you, love you
If you feel the darkness comin', risin' inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
When your doubts have got you thinkin', thinkin'
Nothing's ever really sacred, sacred
And you're afraid you might believe it
Believe in me
And I'll give you a reason
Cuz the world around us keeps on movin', movin’
And there's no doubt that I still love you, love you
So when you feel the darkness comin', risin' inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
And after all the sky is fallen down
After all the sky is fallen down
And after all the water's washed away
After all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
Remains
When the ground beneath you starts a-shakin', shakin’
And you forget the place we came from, came from
When you're lost and lookin' for a way home
Your way home to me
I'll come out and find you
When the world around you starts a-movin', movin’
And you should wonder if I still love you, love you
If you feel the darkness comin', risin' inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
When your doubts have got you thinkin', thinkin'
Nothing's ever really sacred, sacred
And you're afraid you might believe it
Believe in me
And I'll give you a reason
Cuz the world around us keeps on movin', movin’
And there's no doubt that I still love you, love you
So when you feel the darkness comin', risin' inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home
And after all the sky has fallen down
And after all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
My love's the only promise that remains
And after all the sky is fallen down
After all the sky is fallen down
And after all the water's washed away
After all the water's washed away
My love's the only promise that remains
Remains
I thought of you and where you'd gone... and the World Spins Madly On
So... Today is the anniversary of all that happened on 9/11. The knowledge that it was eight years ago seems almost surreal. I cannot believe that my memories of events are no longer thrown in sharp relief but stand out like bright lights through a mist... the edges of horror softened by time.
I was lucky. I did not lose anyone that I knew on a personal level. I did however lose something very dear to me - my belief that the world was a safe place. I mean, I knew that bad things happen. There are drive by shootings and crazies out there… but those were people I didn’t know in places too far from my backyard for me to feel threatened.
But listening to the news that day as I sat at work – the disbelief – thinking it was some kind of joke… only to realize it was a waking nightmare.
In my nightmare I remember not being able to breathe. I remember people running around trying to get the television in the office to pick up a regular channel so we could watch the news and only getting snow. I remember picking up the phones and getting only busy signals. I remember panic when I realized my half brother was in the air force but since I had no idea where he was stationed I didn’t know if he was okay. I remember going to my boss and telling him I needed to go home, that I couldn’t concentrate on actual work because I couldn’t seem to stop crying.
I remember leaving work and going to my friend’s home because I needed to be somewhere I felt safe. I remember finding out that everyone I knew was okay. I remember holding and being held by Brittany and Amy while we watched news footage of people throwing themselves from buildings. I remember silence and comfort and sadness all wrapped together.
I remember tying ribbons to my car antenna to show support and American pride. I remember volunteering at the red cross to make phone calls for blood donation and the overwhelming responses of people doing their part to help. I remember a unified nation standing together showing that we cannot be brought down like our buildings –we are more than just brick and mortar – we are the human spirit and we will continue to shine.
I will never forget where I was that day and I hope I will always remember to let my spirit shine.
I was lucky. I did not lose anyone that I knew on a personal level. I did however lose something very dear to me - my belief that the world was a safe place. I mean, I knew that bad things happen. There are drive by shootings and crazies out there… but those were people I didn’t know in places too far from my backyard for me to feel threatened.
But listening to the news that day as I sat at work – the disbelief – thinking it was some kind of joke… only to realize it was a waking nightmare.
In my nightmare I remember not being able to breathe. I remember people running around trying to get the television in the office to pick up a regular channel so we could watch the news and only getting snow. I remember picking up the phones and getting only busy signals. I remember panic when I realized my half brother was in the air force but since I had no idea where he was stationed I didn’t know if he was okay. I remember going to my boss and telling him I needed to go home, that I couldn’t concentrate on actual work because I couldn’t seem to stop crying.
I remember leaving work and going to my friend’s home because I needed to be somewhere I felt safe. I remember finding out that everyone I knew was okay. I remember holding and being held by Brittany and Amy while we watched news footage of people throwing themselves from buildings. I remember silence and comfort and sadness all wrapped together.
I remember tying ribbons to my car antenna to show support and American pride. I remember volunteering at the red cross to make phone calls for blood donation and the overwhelming responses of people doing their part to help. I remember a unified nation standing together showing that we cannot be brought down like our buildings –we are more than just brick and mortar – we are the human spirit and we will continue to shine.
I will never forget where I was that day and I hope I will always remember to let my spirit shine.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
This Isn't What I Ordered
So, I'm taking the title for today's blog from a sermon by D.R. Carlson that I find particularly poignant and meaningful for me. In the sermon he talks about prayer. Lots of times we expect prayer to work like a drive through… place our order and drive around to pick it up at the second window. Now once we get to that pick up window, we look inside the bag to make sure everything is as it should be. Most of the time, it’s exactly what we have asked for… but sometimes it’s not right.
I worked at a fast food place for nearly four years. There were a lot of wrong orders, and there were as many reasons for the order to be wrong as there were fries in the fry bin. The order taker pressed the wrong button, the kitchen made the wrong special order, the right food went into the wrong bag or even the customer didn’t ask for what they really wanted… but no matter what went wrong or who’s “fault” it was, there was always a reaction from the customer.
Sometimes they would calmly tell you that this was NOT what they had ordered and then ask to have it corrected. Sometimes they would talk down to you like you were simple for not being able to get their “simple” request, even if the “fault” was not yours. More often than not, there was anger. Which seems so silly when you’re talking about a burger with no ketchup, but really… it was about what they were expecting and their disappointment in not getting what they wanted.
Which makes me think of prayer in a new way. Is God my Drive Thru Server? Do I have a right to get snippy with him when instead of a cheeseburger he gives me a salad? If I were dealing with a person face to face I would probably say “HEY! This isn’t what I ordered!” And if they said, “Lady, you could use the salad!” I might get angry at the slight. But what about with God? What about when I get to the window and all I get is an empty bag? What about when God just says “No”?
How many times in my life have I prayed for something that looked good but would have been so bad for me? How many times has God given me something else instead? When He says “No” to what I want, at that moment I don’t understand why. I get angry and upset and feel slighted… but then later, when I look back and see that the “No” led to something wonderful that I wouldn’t have had if I had gotten a “Yes” the first time around, I get it. At least, I get it until the next empty bag.
So here I sit with another empty bag, another unanswered prayer. But this time… I’m not angry. I am sad of course, and disappointed, because I wanted something that I didn’t get – I’m only human. This time though, I’m trying to focus on the fact that my bag is empty because God has something for me that won’t fit in the bag that I’ve given Him. He has something greater than what I’ve asked for just waiting for me. I just have to be patient.
I worked at a fast food place for nearly four years. There were a lot of wrong orders, and there were as many reasons for the order to be wrong as there were fries in the fry bin. The order taker pressed the wrong button, the kitchen made the wrong special order, the right food went into the wrong bag or even the customer didn’t ask for what they really wanted… but no matter what went wrong or who’s “fault” it was, there was always a reaction from the customer.
Sometimes they would calmly tell you that this was NOT what they had ordered and then ask to have it corrected. Sometimes they would talk down to you like you were simple for not being able to get their “simple” request, even if the “fault” was not yours. More often than not, there was anger. Which seems so silly when you’re talking about a burger with no ketchup, but really… it was about what they were expecting and their disappointment in not getting what they wanted.
Which makes me think of prayer in a new way. Is God my Drive Thru Server? Do I have a right to get snippy with him when instead of a cheeseburger he gives me a salad? If I were dealing with a person face to face I would probably say “HEY! This isn’t what I ordered!” And if they said, “Lady, you could use the salad!” I might get angry at the slight. But what about with God? What about when I get to the window and all I get is an empty bag? What about when God just says “No”?
How many times in my life have I prayed for something that looked good but would have been so bad for me? How many times has God given me something else instead? When He says “No” to what I want, at that moment I don’t understand why. I get angry and upset and feel slighted… but then later, when I look back and see that the “No” led to something wonderful that I wouldn’t have had if I had gotten a “Yes” the first time around, I get it. At least, I get it until the next empty bag.
So here I sit with another empty bag, another unanswered prayer. But this time… I’m not angry. I am sad of course, and disappointed, because I wanted something that I didn’t get – I’m only human. This time though, I’m trying to focus on the fact that my bag is empty because God has something for me that won’t fit in the bag that I’ve given Him. He has something greater than what I’ve asked for just waiting for me. I just have to be patient.
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