The Rules

So… how exactly am I going to do this? The book I read had some guidelines – here they are:

Rules:

1. Begin to wear the bracelet on either wrist.
2. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist and begin again.
3. Keep trying, it could take 4-8 months to complete, but you’ll be happy that you did.

So, what counts as complaining, gossiping, or criticizing? Chances are, if you have to ask if it counts… it probably does. In fact, it’s probably easier to list out what DOESN’T count.

• Anything you don’t say out loud doesn’t count against you. If you think it, it’s free. (Personal Journals and Silent Prayers, also do not count)
• Anything said to express grief, pain or discontent when directed toward someone who can help is healthy – so long as it is done in a way to receive what you want in the future and not as a means of attacking someone about the past.
• If it’s not just venting (recounting issues) but actually is an attempt to positively solve a problem, it’s okay.
• There are times when we need to process what’s going on in our lives to get a better handle on our situation. Processing and complaining are not the same thing. Processing is sharing your FEELINGS about something that has happened and not rehashing the events of what has happened. If your boss yells at you, you may want to talk to your spouse about the experience and share how it made you feel. When processing an experience, make sure that what you are saying is centered on only your feelings and not your story of what happened. Use words like: mad, sad, glad, happy, angry, afraid, joyous.
• Just to be clear, if something happened that needs corrected – Don’t hold back, don’t hold it in, just make sure you are only stating the facts and not putting any “how dare you do this to me!” energy behind what you are saying. “I feel angry when you do that” owns the experience as yours and is processing. “I feel like you’re a jerk when you do that” is simply name-calling.

Helpful Tools:

Try changing the words you use to describe a situation by phrasing things in a positive way.

Instead of……….Try

Problem……….Opportunity

Have to……….Get to

Setback……….Challenge

Enemy……….Friend

Tormentor……….Teacher

Pain……….Signal

I demand……….I would appreciate

Complaint……….Request

Struggle……….Journey

You did this……….I created this.

Give it a try. It may feel awkward as you begin, but watch how it changes your attitude about the person or situation. As you change your language, the situation will change.